Well folks, the yeast starter that I made five days ago is officially a failure.  The yeast struggled valiantly and put forth some CO2, but not nearly enough for me to trust them to ferment wort.

Now, I know you’re asking yourself, “Is it because they’re too old?”  No.  It’s not because they’re too old, it’s because I’m a bad parent.  Turns out that for yeast to really do their thing, then need a lot more than just sugar.  Many of the nutrients found in wort allow yeast to multiply instead of just dieing a slow, bubbly death.  Most starters, including my previous ones, are made with DME, which has the nutrients that yeast need.  I think this quote sums it up best:

Making a starter with just corn sugar is like raising your kids on only twinkies and thinking they’ll turn out fine.

So, next time I’m at the homebrew shop, I’ll pick up some yeast to use in my Beer With What’s Here brew.